Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The near miss


You've had a near miss, right?

Something BAD has almost happened and your heart stops then starts beating as fast as the Roadrunner on bennies, and you think, HOLY CRAP THAT WAS CLOSE.

That happened to me, just now.

I had a bubble bath, because I'm a spoiled rotten lazy housewife who can have a bubble bath in the middle of the day, and then I did the aprés-bath stuff I detest – putting moisturizer goop on my face and deodorant under my pits and drying/styling my hair.

"Getting ready," it's called. I fecking hate getting ready. It's the worst part of my month day. It's just so boring and, worse, it has to be done over and over again. Bah. It's as bad as dishes. At least I have a dishwasher. I do wish I had something comparable in the vast and complicated arena of personal grooming. Something Jetson-like I could step into after the bath that would goop, deodorize and style my sad self in one fell swoop.

Anyway, I did all the aprés crap and then headed back to the bathroom to pick up towels and rinse the sadly used and dirt-crusted now bubble-less bubbles down the drain.

I picked up the shower wand, turned on the water and realized, in one rare moment of terror-coated lucidity, that the wand was pointed towards my freshly aprés-ed face.

It takes about a second for the powerful stream of water to rush down the hose and burst out of the head.

Somehow, some way, I turned the shower head away from my newly coiffed head in the absolute nick of time.

What on earth would have happened if I hadn't acted so quickly? It just doesn't bear thinking about, that's all.

Now excuse me while I go change my gotchies.

26 comments:

  1. All that work would've been for nothing. Then you would've had to get ready twice in one day. Ultimate suck.

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  2. BAHAHAHA I can't tell you how many times I squeeze the nozzle handle on the kitchen sink as I'm raising the hose out, rather than waiting till I have it pointed where I want it inside the sink....

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    1. I love your BAHAHAHAHA! I can still see the business end of that nozzle... inches from my face... like a SNAKE.

      Yeah, I've done the kitchen thing too. We just plain suck, Joanne.

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  3. I think I might have gone back to bed at that point and called it a day.

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  4. Ya, I wish there was an Orgasmatron type of device (like in the movie Sleeper) that you could just step into and, voila ... lookin' good for the day!

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  5. See, and I do virtually nothing to go to work. I don't even know where my hairdryer is. So much so that when I went out for drinks with co-workers before Christmas many of them had no idea who I was. :) It's like my secret identity.

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    1. Heheheheheh - "secret identity." I'm that way with make-up.

      Honestly I don't do a whole lot to get ready for the day but my hair has been growing for the last year and now it's long enough that I have to dry it - wet hair hanging on my neck drives me mental.

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  6. I loathe getting ready. To the point where I could be described as EC the Unready.
    It seems a lot of work, for less than stellar results. I am with Delores - I would have retired back to bed.

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  7. Being on no fixed schedule I assumed you'd just step into a fresh hot tub and carry on. Expecting Dave, were ya?

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    1. Shhhh.... don't tell him, but I usually bathe just before he gets home. I think it makes him pissy when he gets home after a full day of hard work and I'm still in my jammies.

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  8. You could always get some baby-wipes and a wig?
    Yes, I vote for calling it a day and go to bed.

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  9. That's about the nearest miss I've ever heard of, in the bathroom at least.
    I want a bathroom like I've read about in JD Robb novels where a person can stand in the multispray shower set to their personal preference, then step into a drying tube that blows them dry with warm air from mulitple outlets.
    No more picking up wet towels!

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    Replies
    1. My maiden name was Robb and I never heard of such thing! You'd think JD would have kept me informed or something...

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  10. Could have been worse. You could have sprayed Misty. HaHa

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    1. Yeah, she already hates me!! (Poor little Misty-dawg.)

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  11. HAHAHA! You crack me up because that is something I have done myself. And I hate getting ready too. It's such a chore sometimes.

    PS I wanted to tell you, (1) sorry it took me so long (2) but I finally read Green Eggs and Weezie. (3) I loved it of course and put my review up over on Amazon yesterday-

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    Replies
    1. It's not easy being as beautiful as us!!!

      Hey, thanks for the compliment, Jay! Makes me very, very happy! Thank you so much and I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. AND THANKS FOR THE AMAZON REVIEW!!!! So helpful! oxoxoxo

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  12. It seems to me that that would be the time to refill the tub, put in more bubbles, pour a glass of wine and get back into the bath.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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  13. I'd suggest doing what I do, shaving your head, but that might not work....

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